My last blog post was about stuff I spent money on, with no regrets, when I had money to spare. Which I don't right now, for the most part. But that's okay, because thriving is cheap if you learn the right things & are surrounded by good places and people -- and before I had money, I learned to live poor, so really the past few months have been part refresher course and part personal growth. Again, I know I'm speaking from a position of relative privilege, because I'm not starving in the streets or having to work 3 part-time jobs to survive. But for my fellow lower-middle-class folks, here are some of the adjustments I've made to maintain a fairly fabulous lifestyle -- and they're all pretty much common sense.
Make stuff. Everybody knows how to make something -- jewelry, guacamole, something. Learn to do more. Make stuff that you use around the house. Make stuff you can sell or trade. I've been making my own toothpaste and deodorant for a while now and nobody's complained about any stank. (And I've saved money and prevented a bunch of packaging from ending up in a landfill -- everybody wins!) For $20 I bought some kefir grains because yogurt and kefir can be super expensive at the store, but I've made at least a dozen quarts of kefir at home -- probably $60-$70 worth, for the $20 initial investment & then the cost of a few gallons of milk. And, thanks to becoming very nearly broke, I have a tiiiiny herbal medicine business that I actually *made a profit on* between January and June. It's not much, but it's something. And when I can't pay my dance teacher for lessons, I give her a jar of salve that would cost the same as an hour of class. Which brings me to another tip ...
Know good people, be good people. Since money is the agreed-upon currency in this society, it's always nice to have. What's nicer to have are friends and acquaintances who are willing to barter with you or who understand that you have no money but are willing to work something out because they know you're not a jerk and they'd like to help you.
Scrimp and save what you can. There's a whole newfangled high-tech version of the putting-your-change-in-a-piggy-bank method of savings. There's a program called Digit that hooks up to your bank account, analyzes your spending and stashes away little bits of money that you don't really need -- $3.50 here, $9.75 there -- and puts it in an account for you. You can keep track of the amount of these withdrawals via texts on your smartphone, pause automatic savings, have the program deposit the savings back into your bank account ... all sorts of things. I signed up through a friend's link, and if you sign up through mine I'll get $5 (woo!) so check it out if this sounds like something you'd want to do. It does help you save more money than you think you'd be able to - I've got more than $250 sitting and waiting for an emergency and/or something fun. Details about how Digit works are at the website.
LIBRARY! You know how in my last post I mentioned that books were one of the things I spent money on when I had it, and I totally don't regret it? This is true. I love books. I love reading them, I love being surrounded by them, I love having old favorite and new unexplored worlds sitting right across the room from me. But there's also another place like this: the public library. And it's free. Earlier this summer I actually culled the herd in my personal library, sorting out a bunch of books that I could easily find at the public library if I need them and taking them to Half-Price Books to sell for a little money (which I then used part of to buy some ginger root for one of the medicines I make ... economy!). Because even though I love all the books, I don't actually need to own all the books. They have a home across town where I can go visit them and take them out for a little while and then return them. It's like dating. But with books.
Grow your own food. I know this isn't always a practical suggestion. If you live in a tiny apartment, or if you have a brown thumb like I do, gardening is a very limited activity. But if there's anything you can grow, do it. You can even regrow some foods from scraps -- buy some green onions, use them except for the roots, the white part and the very bottom of the green part, and put that end of the onions in a jar of water. Bam! More green onions. I've got to dig up some purple potatoes that I planted from the eyes of a few potatoes I bought at the store this spring.
Know your seasonings. It sounds silly, but honestly, the right seasonings and spices can turn very simple, cheap food into something kinda beautiful. Buy a box of mac & cheese, add some curry powder to the cheese sauce when you're mixing it all together. If you order pizza, save the red pepper flakes and use them and some lime juice to flavor a Pad Thai boxed meal. Those green onions and potatoes I mentioned that I've regrown from scraps? Those make a righteous side dish when I cook the potatoes, crush them with a fork, sprinkle in the bits of green onion I chopped off, and season the whole thing with apple cider vinegar and rosemary. (And you can find rosemary bushes growing all over the place.) Scrambled eggs are good; scrambled eggs with fresh-ground Italian herbs are great. You get the idea -- dress up your Bachelor Chow!
Wash all your clothes on the delicate cycle and hang dry as much as you can. This not only saves you money on your electric bill (or at the launderette), it also helps your clothes last longer. I've got a couple of shirts I've had for nigh on a decade that I've preserved just by keeping them from going through the rough-and-tumble life of a regular wash cycle and a spin through the dryer. I mean, dryer lint is made of your clothes (and probably pet hair). Slow the disintegration, man.
Find free fun. A friend once said that even though you can't earn a lot of money working in San Marcos, it's easy to be poor here. This is true. There's so much free stuff to do -- go down to the river, catch a free concert, get some coffee & sit outside the old courthouse & people-watch, go to one of the art festivals ... we are blessed to live in a town where there's so much going on that costs nothing or very little.
There are other steps to take to keep living awesomely even if your income is shot to hell -- walk or ride a bike (except it's Texas in July/August and I really don't advise that until the weather turns humane again), go in on a Costco or Sam's Club membership with a couple of buddies, cool off in the river instead of trying to keep your house at 70 degrees, all sorts of things that can make life not just bearable, but beautiful. Life is an art, and it's good to get creative with it.
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
When you're poor but you didn't used to be
For the past 6 months I've been thrust into relative poverty. I say "relative" because I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, clothes on my back, a functional car and a bed to sleep in, and I don't have to work 60 hours a week (though sometimes I do), and I don't need to apply for food stamps or Section 8 housing. For all that I have, I am grateful. And I'm grateful for the job I have now, despite the radical pay cut, because I'm working for and with people I genuinely like, and I'm doing something I enjoy so much that most of the time it doesn't feel like work -- it's just what I do. If I only had one year to live but I had to have a job, this would be the job I would choose. You can't put a price on that.
But yeah, I miss money. Or not really the money, but the experiences that having expendable income let me have. And in thinking about the difference between reasonably well-off and relatively poor, I started thinking about what on earth I blew all my money on when I had it. Most of it, I don't regret -- I did buy a lot of wankery and do some dumb things, but here's what I spent most of it on. These are things I am glad I did, so you can take this as a list of suggestions on what to do with money if you've got it:
Travel. God, I miss traveling. I never even scraped together enough to leave the country, but I got to visit Florida a couple of times, New York City a handful of times, L.A., Colorado ... my bestie and I made a pilgrimage to Memphis and Clarksdale for my birthday one year, and I visited New Orleans once and fell in love with it so hard I've been back probably a dozen times.
On one of my trips to Florida, to visit family near Fort Lauderdale, I drove down to Miami Beach to hang out with a cousin overnight & had a blast there. And on one of my trips to New York City, I took an Amtrak down to D.C. to meet up with a friend for a whirlwind tour of the city. It was glorious.
I got to see so much, do so much and learn so much ... the people-watching alone when you're in a different city is fascinating. So go travel, even if it's just to a place a few hours away. You'll never look at your home town the same way.
Art. This is something I was overjoyed to be able to spend money on, because not only does art beautify my home, but buying it was a way for me to support local artists. Admiration doesn't pay the bills -- believe me, I know -- and it felt so good to be able to give tangible support to some of the artists in San Marcos. And their work gives me immeasurable joy. I think the last piece I bought was "Aegis" by Lisa McPike Smith and it's still hanging on a wall not far from my bedroom door, and every morning when I walk past it, I smile.
I'm also elated that I got Furly to do a portrait of my two cats, Tom and Prissy, before Tom passed away. He's immortalized forever on the living room wall.
Invest in some art -- it's good for your soul and good for the artist's soul as well.
Food. Eating healthy can be expensive. Eating decadently can be expensive. I like to do both. I'm glad I was able to spend as much money as I did at our local farmers' market and at Gourmage, the cheese/bread/wine/dessert/all-good-things shop in New Braunfels where the owner and chef still know me by name and where I still go when I have a little extra dosh to pick up some goat cheese and a baguette. So go on, treat yo'self sometimes.
Books. Do I even need to say why it's great to have books around the house? If I have to explain it to you, I don't know if I should be talking to you. The last major book binge I went on was about $300 at the Maple Street Book Shops in New Orleans last winter, after word got out that they were going to have to close. I panicked. Apparently a bunch of other people made panicked purchases, too, because last I heard, they're still open. Go buy books! Support bookstores and feed your mind!
Charity. I don't really like to talk about the causes I donate to, but it's wonderful to be able to support people who need help and ideas you believe in strongly. And if you pay attention to politics at all, you know money talks louder than most people. Find good charities and support them.
Experiences. This is a broad category, I know, but as examples, I went up in a two-seater airplane over Guadalupe and Comal counties and took photos; I learned some kickboxing techniques; I learned to belly dance and I learned more belly dance and I learned even more belly dance; I went to a comic-con and met Nathan Fillion, Alice Cooper and other groovy people; I spent 48 hours in Castroville, "the little Alsace of Texas," thereby learning that there's a town called "the little Alsace of Texas"; I spent a long weekend at a spa on Lake Travis getting comfortable with myself again, doing yoga, getting scrubbed and rubbed and detoxed, and spending quiet time out in nature. Go do stuff. The world is full of people and places and things and there's no reason for any of us to ever be bored.
But yeah, I miss money. Or not really the money, but the experiences that having expendable income let me have. And in thinking about the difference between reasonably well-off and relatively poor, I started thinking about what on earth I blew all my money on when I had it. Most of it, I don't regret -- I did buy a lot of wankery and do some dumb things, but here's what I spent most of it on. These are things I am glad I did, so you can take this as a list of suggestions on what to do with money if you've got it:
On one of my trips to Florida, to visit family near Fort Lauderdale, I drove down to Miami Beach to hang out with a cousin overnight & had a blast there. And on one of my trips to New York City, I took an Amtrak down to D.C. to meet up with a friend for a whirlwind tour of the city. It was glorious.
I got to see so much, do so much and learn so much ... the people-watching alone when you're in a different city is fascinating. So go travel, even if it's just to a place a few hours away. You'll never look at your home town the same way.
 |
| "Aegis" by Lisa McPike Smith |
I'm also elated that I got Furly to do a portrait of my two cats, Tom and Prissy, before Tom passed away. He's immortalized forever on the living room wall.
Invest in some art -- it's good for your soul and good for the artist's soul as well.
Books. Do I even need to say why it's great to have books around the house? If I have to explain it to you, I don't know if I should be talking to you. The last major book binge I went on was about $300 at the Maple Street Book Shops in New Orleans last winter, after word got out that they were going to have to close. I panicked. Apparently a bunch of other people made panicked purchases, too, because last I heard, they're still open. Go buy books! Support bookstores and feed your mind!
Charity. I don't really like to talk about the causes I donate to, but it's wonderful to be able to support people who need help and ideas you believe in strongly. And if you pay attention to politics at all, you know money talks louder than most people. Find good charities and support them.
Experiences. This is a broad category, I know, but as examples, I went up in a two-seater airplane over Guadalupe and Comal counties and took photos; I learned some kickboxing techniques; I learned to belly dance and I learned more belly dance and I learned even more belly dance; I went to a comic-con and met Nathan Fillion, Alice Cooper and other groovy people; I spent 48 hours in Castroville, "the little Alsace of Texas," thereby learning that there's a town called "the little Alsace of Texas"; I spent a long weekend at a spa on Lake Travis getting comfortable with myself again, doing yoga, getting scrubbed and rubbed and detoxed, and spending quiet time out in nature. Go do stuff. The world is full of people and places and things and there's no reason for any of us to ever be bored.
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Things that happen when you're looking for love
I'm not entirely sure why, but today I found myself thinking of all the reasons why I'm gun-shy about dating. It could be a confluence of conversations I've had with friends -- friends who think it'd be great if I were in a relationship, friends who are concerned that I've become bitter, friends who are worried that I'll die alone, friends who think I should "put myself out there."
I'm 43 years old. I've been divorced. I've been engaged and disengaged. I've been around. I've been "out there." And the reason I don't consider romance a priority, the reason why my head isn't turned so easily, is that it is so rarely worth the risk. Don't get me wrong -- I know that I am part of the problem. I have a "bad picker" when it comes to men. I am drawn toward the crazy and dramatic. The few times I have consciously tried to "pick" a nice, stable guy, he hasn't wanted me, or he's ended up not being as nice and stable as I thought and the whole thing descends into chaos when I'm not prepared for it. So rather than "put myself out there," I just kinda hang out with my friends and myself, being awesome and having fun for my own sake, and I don't really think that's a bad thing. And if some guy happens to notice that I'm awesome and having fun, then sure, we can talk and maybe something will happen, but I'm not going out of my way for it. Here's why.
I have been lied to so much. Not just little ones like "I was helping a buddy fix his car" when he was actually at a strip joint, or "I'm not cheating on you." Major ones like:
I'll come back for you.
I'll never walk again.
I'm dying.
I can provide us a livelihood so you can do your creative thing.
It's okay, I'm taking my meds for it.
I quit doing meth.
And everyone's favorite:
I love you.
These are the kinds of things that affect life decisions. They've directed me in making plans to fit around the situation -- not just what's best for my heart, but shit like jobs and living situations and financial decisions.
But the one thing I've learned from dealing with this level of deception is how to turn on a dime. Thanks, liars, for helping me build resilience and flexibility, even as it became less likely for me to trust someone I'm in a romantic relationship with.
Constant belittling and insults and gaslighting and creating stressful situations on purpose and I could go on. Just ... here.
But it's made me stronger and more sure of myself, so thanks, emotional abusers, for helping me with that.
Just as in real life, online dating is not the same for women as it is for men, so when guys tell me I should give it a try, I cringe. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I have:
Received unsolicited dick pics and obscene phone calls
Met a guy online and within 15 minutes gotten a message asking if I shave my pussy (is that how you approach women in bars?)
Been cyberstalked for years by a guy because I said no
Been insulted because I didn't respond or didn't immediately start sending nude pics
Had enough of a decent conversation with a guy to come to trust him only to have him "ghost" rather than meet in person
Used a dating site's sophisticated algorithm that finds life partners and been paired with a bunch of social conservatives who don't read
Every once in a while, it seems like a good idea to join some site to meet some new people, because I actually like people and it's fun to have "friends who live in your computer" sometimes, but then I remember the harassment and other fun and fascinating things that happen online, and I run away screaming.
But it's shown me that there's some shit I absolutely will not put up with, and that I am actually an old-fashioned kind of woman, and so it's helped me know myself better. So thanks, people who seem to think I'm a cunt on legs with no brain or heart -- you've shown me who I am not.
Each one of these things could be the subject of long, long posts or essays or what have you, and maybe someday they will be. But plenty of women have already written plenty of words about the bizarre and insane shit they've been subjected to in a relationship (and yeah ... I didn't even get into the things I've seen other women go through -- women I love like sisters who've been beaten and cheated on and abandoned). But friends, consider this the nutshell answer to "Why are you single?" "Why aren't you looking for a man?" "Why aren't you putting yourself out there?" "Don't you want to be in love?"
It's not a surprise that I'm perhaps overly cautious. It is a surprise that I'm still willing to entertain the thought of opening my heart to somebody at all. Because damn. Damn. Once again, I ask my friends not to pity me or worry about me because there's no hot sexy romance in my life -- respect what I've been through, respect that I've been through it without becoming a raging alcoholic or actual crazy cat lady, and respect the fact that historically, I do better standing alone.
I'm 43 years old. I've been divorced. I've been engaged and disengaged. I've been around. I've been "out there." And the reason I don't consider romance a priority, the reason why my head isn't turned so easily, is that it is so rarely worth the risk. Don't get me wrong -- I know that I am part of the problem. I have a "bad picker" when it comes to men. I am drawn toward the crazy and dramatic. The few times I have consciously tried to "pick" a nice, stable guy, he hasn't wanted me, or he's ended up not being as nice and stable as I thought and the whole thing descends into chaos when I'm not prepared for it. So rather than "put myself out there," I just kinda hang out with my friends and myself, being awesome and having fun for my own sake, and I don't really think that's a bad thing. And if some guy happens to notice that I'm awesome and having fun, then sure, we can talk and maybe something will happen, but I'm not going out of my way for it. Here's why.
Real Lies
I have been lied to so much. Not just little ones like "I was helping a buddy fix his car" when he was actually at a strip joint, or "I'm not cheating on you." Major ones like:
I'll come back for you.
I'll never walk again.
I'm dying.
I can provide us a livelihood so you can do your creative thing.
It's okay, I'm taking my meds for it.
I quit doing meth.
And everyone's favorite:
I love you.
These are the kinds of things that affect life decisions. They've directed me in making plans to fit around the situation -- not just what's best for my heart, but shit like jobs and living situations and financial decisions.
But the one thing I've learned from dealing with this level of deception is how to turn on a dime. Thanks, liars, for helping me build resilience and flexibility, even as it became less likely for me to trust someone I'm in a romantic relationship with.
Emotional Abuse
Constant belittling and insults and gaslighting and creating stressful situations on purpose and I could go on. Just ... here.
But it's made me stronger and more sure of myself, so thanks, emotional abusers, for helping me with that.
The Online Jungle
Just as in real life, online dating is not the same for women as it is for men, so when guys tell me I should give it a try, I cringe. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I have:
Received unsolicited dick pics and obscene phone calls
Met a guy online and within 15 minutes gotten a message asking if I shave my pussy (is that how you approach women in bars?)
Been cyberstalked for years by a guy because I said no
Been insulted because I didn't respond or didn't immediately start sending nude pics
Had enough of a decent conversation with a guy to come to trust him only to have him "ghost" rather than meet in person
Used a dating site's sophisticated algorithm that finds life partners and been paired with a bunch of social conservatives who don't read
Every once in a while, it seems like a good idea to join some site to meet some new people, because I actually like people and it's fun to have "friends who live in your computer" sometimes, but then I remember the harassment and other fun and fascinating things that happen online, and I run away screaming.
But it's shown me that there's some shit I absolutely will not put up with, and that I am actually an old-fashioned kind of woman, and so it's helped me know myself better. So thanks, people who seem to think I'm a cunt on legs with no brain or heart -- you've shown me who I am not.
The Conclusion
Each one of these things could be the subject of long, long posts or essays or what have you, and maybe someday they will be. But plenty of women have already written plenty of words about the bizarre and insane shit they've been subjected to in a relationship (and yeah ... I didn't even get into the things I've seen other women go through -- women I love like sisters who've been beaten and cheated on and abandoned). But friends, consider this the nutshell answer to "Why are you single?" "Why aren't you looking for a man?" "Why aren't you putting yourself out there?" "Don't you want to be in love?"
It's not a surprise that I'm perhaps overly cautious. It is a surprise that I'm still willing to entertain the thought of opening my heart to somebody at all. Because damn. Damn. Once again, I ask my friends not to pity me or worry about me because there's no hot sexy romance in my life -- respect what I've been through, respect that I've been through it without becoming a raging alcoholic or actual crazy cat lady, and respect the fact that historically, I do better standing alone.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Farewell to a Mustang
All first cars are beautiful. It doesn't matter if you're driving Daddy's Mercedes or an AMC Gremlin you scrimped and saved to buy yourself -- the machine that gives you great freedom of movement when you are young and wild is always a cherished thing.
My first car was a 1971 Mustang. It was school bus yellow, with racing stripes down the sides. Sleek. Huge. It looked so much like the women's car in "Deathproof" that when I first saw the movie I had to call Dad and talk about the car.
The hood was a mile long. And the car was all metal. Heavy. Safe. A glorious, shiny, sexy fortress on wheels. And it was mine.
But before it was mine, it was my mother's. She bought it brand new the year before I was born. I have always looked at that car as lasting proof that at some point, Mom was incredibly cool.
When Mom was in labor with me, she and Dad climbed into the Mustang and drove to the hospital. (None of us knows how on earth a woman 9 months pregnant managed to get in and out of a car that low-slung, but she did.) After I was born, all three of us piled into the Mustang and it took us home.
It wasn't just my first car -- it was my first car from birth.
I can't even begin to speak to all the memories I have of driving that car -- it's where I was sitting when I first met many of the people I'm friends with now. It drove us around on our high-school quests for cheap fun. One day we crammed 9 people into it and went to the river for lunch. One night I drag-raced the then-mayor's son and beat him. At least two people I was friends with had sex in the back seat. It has stories to tell.
That Mustang had very nearly surpassed its mechanical limits when I became its driver, and so it seemed like something was always broken on it. The guys in high school who preferred Chevrolets used to tease me with the typical Ford jokes -- "Found On Road Dead," "Fixed Or Repaired Daily" -- and I laughed good-naturedly, but even when it was living down to expectations I never stopped loving that car. And we never sold the car. Mom's initial ownership of it, Dad's love for mechanical puzzles and my passion for that car led us to hang onto it probably longer than we should. It has been sitting in my parents' driveway, immobile (Found On Road Dead one time too many), for nigh on 15 years.
This evening, I went over to my parents' house to sign the Mustang's title so Dad could sell it to a young man down the street who wants to fix it up. I had to fight to keep from crying as I did it, but I knew that it was for the best. I don't have the money to get it fixed -- pretty much the only functional parts are the radio, the engine and the transmission -- and Dad doesn't have the time to do any work on it. This guy will take care of her and, hopefully, come to love her as much as I do.
It wasn't until after I got home, bawled for half an hour, went over to a friend's house to think and talk about it, and came home and bawled some more that I realized the best thing about that old Mustang: It taught me how to love something that's broken. It never mattered if the carburetor was messed up or one of the pistons stopped firing or the electrical system was acting wonky -- I never stopped loving that car. Even after it broke down the last time and Dad and I weren't sure whether or how to fix it, I still loved it. I still love it now.
And after teaching me how to love broken things, my old Mustang is teaching me how to let go.
My first car was a 1971 Mustang. It was school bus yellow, with racing stripes down the sides. Sleek. Huge. It looked so much like the women's car in "Deathproof" that when I first saw the movie I had to call Dad and talk about the car.
 |
| The 1972 Mustang from "Deathproof." Pretty pretty car. |
But before it was mine, it was my mother's. She bought it brand new the year before I was born. I have always looked at that car as lasting proof that at some point, Mom was incredibly cool.
When Mom was in labor with me, she and Dad climbed into the Mustang and drove to the hospital. (None of us knows how on earth a woman 9 months pregnant managed to get in and out of a car that low-slung, but she did.) After I was born, all three of us piled into the Mustang and it took us home.
It wasn't just my first car -- it was my first car from birth.
I can't even begin to speak to all the memories I have of driving that car -- it's where I was sitting when I first met many of the people I'm friends with now. It drove us around on our high-school quests for cheap fun. One day we crammed 9 people into it and went to the river for lunch. One night I drag-raced the then-mayor's son and beat him. At least two people I was friends with had sex in the back seat. It has stories to tell.
That Mustang had very nearly surpassed its mechanical limits when I became its driver, and so it seemed like something was always broken on it. The guys in high school who preferred Chevrolets used to tease me with the typical Ford jokes -- "Found On Road Dead," "Fixed Or Repaired Daily" -- and I laughed good-naturedly, but even when it was living down to expectations I never stopped loving that car. And we never sold the car. Mom's initial ownership of it, Dad's love for mechanical puzzles and my passion for that car led us to hang onto it probably longer than we should. It has been sitting in my parents' driveway, immobile (Found On Road Dead one time too many), for nigh on 15 years.
 |
| My '71 Stang. Farewell, my friend. |
It wasn't until after I got home, bawled for half an hour, went over to a friend's house to think and talk about it, and came home and bawled some more that I realized the best thing about that old Mustang: It taught me how to love something that's broken. It never mattered if the carburetor was messed up or one of the pistons stopped firing or the electrical system was acting wonky -- I never stopped loving that car. Even after it broke down the last time and Dad and I weren't sure whether or how to fix it, I still loved it. I still love it now.
And after teaching me how to love broken things, my old Mustang is teaching me how to let go.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Of Love and Loss
 |
| Tom, also known as Tommy the Cat, Major Tom, Thomas A Cattus and Meowsolini |
About a week after Tom died, one of my best friends lost her mother to cancer. That was hard for a lot of people in a lot of ways. Her mother was a talented, generous, loving, bright soul who touched a lot of lives. The memorial service for her was a fitting celebration of her life, with music and food and people sharing stories and laughing and crying together in a room filled with her creations -- blankets and moppets she'd crocheted, photos, things she'd written, and memories that her friends and loved ones shared. Memories are among the beautiful things people create for each other.
That same month, an old friend of mine died. We hadn't seen each other in at least a decade but when we were close, he was very kind and supportive when I needed someone to be kind and supportive, and I've never forgotten it. I rode to Wharton with a couple of other friends to attend the memorial service.
October is my birth month, and though I did a lot of self-pampering, I didn't feel much like celebrating. I have a pinata sitting in my front room that I had thought about filling with candy and tiny bottles of liquor and inviting people over for a party, but losing my eldest fur-baby and two dear friends knocked the wind out of my sails. Then we had what I think was our second hundred-year flood this year, damaging homes that were just beginning to come back together after the floods over Memorial Day weekend.
 |
| The bar's red door ain't dere no more. |
Beyond being a fine music venue that offered the best quality and best variety of bands I have ever seen, Triple Crown was kind of the glue that held the community of musicians and artists and bohemians of various sorts together. If you wanted to see people you knew, that's where you went. Without that central spot, that nucleus, holding us together, most of us are now communicating with each other through Facebook, like savages, although there have been a few outings and gatherings of Triple Crown folk so we can hang out live and in person. The Lost Tribe of the Triple Crown awaits the opening of the shiny new incarnation of our home.
 |
| "You shall love your crooked neighbor with your crooked heart." - W.H. Auden |
Through all of this, the one thing that has held me up -- that has held up my friends and other members of my community -- is love. The love we have for our town, our community, each other -- the basic human decency and compassion that comes to the surface during times of loss and need. I'm immensely grateful that San Marcos is full of that kind of love. Love is what forms the bond between human and pet, and simply having an animal to love unconditionally is a wonderful gift. Love is what brought friends and family together to celebrate my friend's mother's life and all of her wonderful gifts. Love is what inspired some friends and I to pile into a car and drive all the way to Wharton to say goodbye to a good man. Love is what motivated people to help their flooded neighbors. Love is what keeps local musicians going out to the pile of bricks formerly known as the Triple Crown and playing music there to keep the bar's streak of consecutive days of live music alive. (Yes, that is actually happening.)
What I've seen and experienced in the last few months has given me the shocking idea that even in the worst of times, nobody ever has to be totally alone.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
6 Valuable Online Resources For Writers
I'm a writer. If you saw this headline and thought "Ooh!" and clicked on it, you're probably a writer, too. Because time is a scarce thing for most of us, I thought I would share the handful of websites I feel give you the most mojo for your minutes if you don't want to spend a lot of time out of "the process":
These sites can help out whether you're looking for work, trying to get published, or just trying to solve a problem anywhere along the line while you're working on a project.
1. Freedom With Writing - This is an amazing resource if you're looking for work as a writer. The site offers a daily email digest of websites and publications that will pay you for your work.
2. Writer's Circle - Want to find articles on the writing industry, tips on the craft, interesting facts about famous authors? This is a great site for you, then. Writers Circle also has a fun Facebook page, which is actually how I found out about the website. The website has a list of writers' resources on everything from e-book publishing to writers' conferences to accepting feedback from readers.
3. The Write Life - This website offers industry tips for freelancers and other professional writers (or those looking to become professional), along with tips on craft.
4. Duotrope - Duotrope is an amazing tool for writers submitting work to literary journals and other magazines. First, it is a comprehensive and easily searchable database of journals and magazines that accept work and will let you know if (and at what level) a market pays. More than that, it includes a submissions tracker to help you keep up with what pieces you've sent where, whether you've received a response and whether your work was accepted. Beyond the free trial period there is a subscription cost, but if you're submitting your work professionally (or even fanatically), it's worth it.
5. Writers Digest - Another great website offering everything from creative prompts to tips on writing good cover letters and synopses when you submit your work. This is also where Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog lives, and every April he does a Poem-A-Day Challenge with writing prompts for poets who want to write a piece a day during National Poetry Month. Although there are plenty of resources at the website, if you can subscribe to the magazine or find back issues at your local library, I recommend reading "hard copies," too.
6. Poets & Writers - There is so much to be found at the P&W website, I hardly know where to begin. There are listings of journals and magazines accepting submissions, writing contests looking for entries, databases of small presses and literary agents and MFA programs, lists of fellowships and writing conferences ... you name it. There are even writing prompts for both poetry and fiction, and a message board to "talk" with other writers. As with Writers Digest, if you can get your hands on a subscription or back issues, I highly recommend the P&W magazine, although the website is fantastic, too.
These sites can help out whether you're looking for work, trying to get published, or just trying to solve a problem anywhere along the line while you're working on a project.
1. Freedom With Writing - This is an amazing resource if you're looking for work as a writer. The site offers a daily email digest of websites and publications that will pay you for your work.
2. Writer's Circle - Want to find articles on the writing industry, tips on the craft, interesting facts about famous authors? This is a great site for you, then. Writers Circle also has a fun Facebook page, which is actually how I found out about the website. The website has a list of writers' resources on everything from e-book publishing to writers' conferences to accepting feedback from readers.
3. The Write Life - This website offers industry tips for freelancers and other professional writers (or those looking to become professional), along with tips on craft.
4. Duotrope - Duotrope is an amazing tool for writers submitting work to literary journals and other magazines. First, it is a comprehensive and easily searchable database of journals and magazines that accept work and will let you know if (and at what level) a market pays. More than that, it includes a submissions tracker to help you keep up with what pieces you've sent where, whether you've received a response and whether your work was accepted. Beyond the free trial period there is a subscription cost, but if you're submitting your work professionally (or even fanatically), it's worth it.
5. Writers Digest - Another great website offering everything from creative prompts to tips on writing good cover letters and synopses when you submit your work. This is also where Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog lives, and every April he does a Poem-A-Day Challenge with writing prompts for poets who want to write a piece a day during National Poetry Month. Although there are plenty of resources at the website, if you can subscribe to the magazine or find back issues at your local library, I recommend reading "hard copies," too.
6. Poets & Writers - There is so much to be found at the P&W website, I hardly know where to begin. There are listings of journals and magazines accepting submissions, writing contests looking for entries, databases of small presses and literary agents and MFA programs, lists of fellowships and writing conferences ... you name it. There are even writing prompts for both poetry and fiction, and a message board to "talk" with other writers. As with Writers Digest, if you can get your hands on a subscription or back issues, I highly recommend the P&W magazine, although the website is fantastic, too.
Monday, August 17, 2015
10 Great Websites for Creatives, Women, and Creative Women
I'm engaged in the ongoing struggle to keep my head from completely disappearing into the abyss of Facebook, but by now I'm so conditioned to goofing around online when there's nothing else going on that it's been difficult. But as part of my quest to get beyond the Book of Faces I have come across a handful of wonderful websites for creative types and for women (and sometimes they overlap).
1. AndreaBalt.com - A great resource for inspiration and tips on creativity and leading the Renaissance-person lifestyle. I was drawn in by her essay "5 Things Nobody Told You About Living A Creative Life."
2. Luna Luna Magazine - A potent mixture of culture, commentary, art, literature and femininity, with a taste of the supernatural. I think I've recommended Luna Luna as a literary journal before, and with good reason.
3. JuliaCameronLive.com - The website of Julia Cameron, author of "The Artist's Way." Some people can't stand "The Artist's Way" -- my housemate thinks it's some sort of authoritarian system of churning out art -- but it has done me a lot of good in the past. I went to a workshop based on "The Artist's Way" last fall and recently visited the website to kind of refresh myself. Cameron's blog offers encouragement and insights, such as this post about inspiration.
4. CreativeSomething - A great website full of ideas, inspiration and talk about the creative process. There's also a podcast and a "library" -- a list of recommended books about creativity.
5. Brain Pickings - This website offers all kinds of intellectually stimulating content -- and that in itself can spark some creative inspiration -- but it includes some wonderful posts specifically about art and creativity, such as this article containing advice on creativity from Neil Gaiman.
6. Vagina: The Zine - This is a gutsy and interesting journal featuring creative work, opinions and advice articles. Not only is it full of engaging material, but anyone who self-identifies as a woman can contribute work.
7. Entheos - This site might be a little New Age-y woo-woo for some tastes, but it has a lot to offer. There are lots of things for sale, but access to some lectures can be as low as $10/month, and Entheos occasionally offers fantastic and free conferences or symposiums. Check out their page of conferences dealing specifically with creativity for ideas of what you can find there.
8. Being Boss - This is an awesome site for those looking to become creative entrepreneurs (not necessarily entrepreneurs in the creative "industry" but running whatever business venture you've got in a creative and successful fashion).
10. Amy Poehler's Smart Girls - Okay, I'm wayyyy over 30 and I love this website and wish it had been around several decades ago. It might not have a lot to do with the creative process, but it is inspiring to see what girls and young women are capable of when it comes to making changes in the world. Plus there are downloadable coloring pages and Galentine's Day cards, among other things 12-year-old me would have loved (and adult me still does, because why not?).
1. AndreaBalt.com - A great resource for inspiration and tips on creativity and leading the Renaissance-person lifestyle. I was drawn in by her essay "5 Things Nobody Told You About Living A Creative Life."
2. Luna Luna Magazine - A potent mixture of culture, commentary, art, literature and femininity, with a taste of the supernatural. I think I've recommended Luna Luna as a literary journal before, and with good reason.
3. JuliaCameronLive.com - The website of Julia Cameron, author of "The Artist's Way." Some people can't stand "The Artist's Way" -- my housemate thinks it's some sort of authoritarian system of churning out art -- but it has done me a lot of good in the past. I went to a workshop based on "The Artist's Way" last fall and recently visited the website to kind of refresh myself. Cameron's blog offers encouragement and insights, such as this post about inspiration.
4. CreativeSomething - A great website full of ideas, inspiration and talk about the creative process. There's also a podcast and a "library" -- a list of recommended books about creativity.
5. Brain Pickings - This website offers all kinds of intellectually stimulating content -- and that in itself can spark some creative inspiration -- but it includes some wonderful posts specifically about art and creativity, such as this article containing advice on creativity from Neil Gaiman.
6. Vagina: The Zine - This is a gutsy and interesting journal featuring creative work, opinions and advice articles. Not only is it full of engaging material, but anyone who self-identifies as a woman can contribute work.
7. Entheos - This site might be a little New Age-y woo-woo for some tastes, but it has a lot to offer. There are lots of things for sale, but access to some lectures can be as low as $10/month, and Entheos occasionally offers fantastic and free conferences or symposiums. Check out their page of conferences dealing specifically with creativity for ideas of what you can find there.
8. Being Boss - This is an awesome site for those looking to become creative entrepreneurs (not necessarily entrepreneurs in the creative "industry" but running whatever business venture you've got in a creative and successful fashion).
10. Amy Poehler's Smart Girls - Okay, I'm wayyyy over 30 and I love this website and wish it had been around several decades ago. It might not have a lot to do with the creative process, but it is inspiring to see what girls and young women are capable of when it comes to making changes in the world. Plus there are downloadable coloring pages and Galentine's Day cards, among other things 12-year-old me would have loved (and adult me still does, because why not?).
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